Lamar Heystek


  1. Davis City Council Campaigns
    1. Petition to Urge Lamar to Run for Re-Election in 2010
    2. 2004 and 2006 Campaigns
  2. Safeway Career
  3. Career with the California Aggie
    1. "The Born Loser" Column
    2. "Lamargate"
  4. Lamar's Stats

Lamar Heystek
Councilmember, Davis City Council
2006-2010 (Councilmember)
23 Russell Blvd.
Davis, CA 95616
[WWW]Lamar's Youtube Channel

Lamar Heystek was a member of the Davis City Council, a former columnist for The California Aggie, and a former employee of Safeway. A graduate of UC Davis's Linguistics program, his political life has centered on voicing student concerns and preserving Davis's unique qualities. He is often seen as an ally to Sue Greenwald on council, but that is mainly because of his slow-growth stance.

Lamar is Dutch and proud of it, has a twin brother (who is on the board of education in his own respective location), a sister in the military, and a father who is at least as funny as he is.

Lamar is also a monthly contributor to The People's Vanguard of Davis. Is this still true? See also Heystek's Pothole Project.

Davis City Council Campaigns

Petition to Urge Lamar to Run for Re-Election in 2010

In October 2010, Lamar announced that he would not be running for re-election to the City Council in 2010. Some of his many fans started a petition to urge him to reconsider. The letter stated that Lamar has "demonstrated leadership, honesty and integrity on the key issues that face the city of Davis," that "[h]e has been a voice of civility, maturity, reason, and passion in the face of great obstacles, and that the "city cannot afford to now lose Lamar's experience." The petition is available [WWW]here. However, on March 12, 2010 at 4:30 PM — 30 minutes before the filing deadline — Lamar announced that his October decision would stand and that he would not run for re-election.

2004 and 2006 Campaigns

Lamar first pursued a seat on the Davis City Council as a student in 2004. He finished seventh among eight candidates, earning 4,539 votes, or about [WWW]10 percent of the vote.

On Wednesday, January 25, 2006, Lamar announced that he would once again run for city council. The California Aggie ran an [WWW]article on it the next day.
Lamar_Sign.JPG His platform was based on:

His campaign slogan was "It's a Brand New Day!"

lamarswear.jpgOn June 6th, 2006, Lamar Heystek was elected to the Davis City Council, with 24.1% of the vote, in a major victory for the student vote, as he presented himself as a councilmember that would pay attention to the needs of the students, who are a significant slice of the Davis population.

Although detailed statistics are not available to determine what proportion of Heystek's supporters were students, the behavior of the election returns supports this assertion. Students typically do not vote by absentee, whereas establish residents of Davis often do. Early election returns showed Lamar clearly behind several other candidates due to the absentee votes which were already counted. As the night progressed and more votes were counted, Lamar gained on all his competitors. He garnered more Election-Day "in-person" votes than all of the other candidates, finishing with the second highest number of total votes, winning him the seat (He almost passed the incumbent Ruth Asmundson). This suggests that he gained a greater proportion of the student vote than the other candidates.

Safeway Career

lh.jpgclick to read the details on Lamar's death certificate for his career

lhey01.jpgLamar from his North Davis Safeway days. Later, his name tag would show that he speaks dutch. A head clerk at Safeway with a career spanning approximately eight years, Lamar decided to give up his job so he could continue to pursue local politics in 2006. However, Lamar did not make the decision recklessly, nor did he make it independently. The market had offered $20,000 to all of their long-time employees (including Lamar) to quit to make way for newer, less-paid ones. Because of the strange nature of the $20,000 offer, and because few knew that the offer was made to all long-time employees, some people thought that Safeway was trying to "silence" his columns making fun of working at the market.

The job had provided Lamar with four years' worth of fodder for his weekly column in The California Aggie, so by quitting he would be dispensing of this humor source, not to mention ridding himself of an income. In a simultaneously prudent and clever move, Lamar asked his column readers to weigh in and decide for him: quit or not quit.
([WWW]Should I quit Safeway?)

At his "retirement" party held at Woodstock's, Elise Kane and Rob Roy, in a joint effort, presented Lamar with a death certificate for his career (see image at left), a bouquet of tampons in a toiletpaper roll vase, and a Safeway women's restroom sign meant to be worn as a medallion. Needless to say, Lamar was thrilled.

Career with the California Aggie

"The Born Loser" Column

lamar.jpgLamar's famed California Aggie column mugThe Born Loser was the name of Lamar's weekly humor column in The California Aggie, from Fall 2002-Spring 2006, spanning four years. Shortly after he started the column, column titles were stripped from most of the paper's columns, so it ran without the tagline. Nevertheless, during funny antics about sleeping in safeway bathrooms, speaking dutch, and [WWW]peeing on an electric fence, Lamar managed to fit his tagline into the body of the column from time to time. The column ran on Tuesdays.

The Born Loser character always seemed to find the universe, both animate and inanimate, getting the better of himself. No matter what he could do, incalculably unlikely calamities befell him, including getting stuck between shelves while looking for dairy products for a cute girl. He also has had the unlikely misfortune to have died several times, you can read about one of them [WWW]here. Death notwithstanding, Lamar's column returned the following year.

lamar sleeping.jpgLamar taking a snooze on a couch at The California Aggie office.'

Lamar always kept his column personality distinct from his public persona, especially as he got into Davis politics, but if you walk up to him and quote one of your favorite lines of his, he is likely to bowl over laughing.

There is a Facebook group called [WWW]People Who Laugh Out Loud to Lamar Heystek Articles.


He has the unique distinction of having a major controversy named after him - Lamargate (although he was not actually involved in the scandal). As an Aggie columnist, he wasn't allowed to have an opinion about ASUCD politics, to the point that they wouldn't actually allow him to use the word "Lamargate" in his column. Once elections were over, in a [WWW]later column he did get to use the word.

Lamar's Stats

This section needs some more work

Lamar was a linguistics grad student at UC Davis and, as aforementioned, a columnist for the California Aggie. He ran for a position on the Davis City Council in 2004. Lamar remains active in city politics. He is currently (or was recently):


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2005-07-21 12:40:34   I vaguely remember an old Born Loser column containing a paragraph—beginning "my readership is so low I could insert a graphic sex scene in my column and nobody would notice" or something like that—that was taken directly, and without citation, from an old Dave Barry column. Of course, I don't want to make any libelous accusations based solely on my own memory of an event several years in the past, but does anyone else remember a Born Loser column fitting this description? —BarnabasTruman

2006-01-26 18:47:49   Who else goes Lamar-spotting? —CindySperry

2006-01-26 23:19:43   I talked to Lamar at Safeway and I didn't even know he had a scandal named after him or anything. His nametag said that he spoke Dutch and I thought that was cool. —KarenaAslanian

2006-02-22 17:13:23   So... will he quit Safeway? —CindySperry

2006-03-06 00:27:56   I wish Cost Plus had offered me $20,000 to quit. That would've been great. —BarnabasTruman

2006-03-10 15:34:48   I think it is inappropriate and unethical for a candidate for the City Council who is also a UC Davis employee to have a column in the California Aggie. Lamar I challenge you to quit your column in the Aggie, or else all the candidates should have columns in the Aggie. —RobinSouza

2006-03-10 19:27:36   I wrote a letter to the editor this Tuesday that didn't get published after reading Anna Ritter's latest column. Here it is:


It has come to my attention that, as of late, the Tuesday Aggie has quickly migrated from the hillarious raunchy sex column issue to the Anna Ritter bitching hour. If I wanted to bore myself with inane topical whining about the woes of frustrated college life, I'd read that column by the guy constantly talking about his job at Safeway. How am I supposed to flirt with girls doing the crossword at the MU when my old line "So, did you see the sex column today?" becomes "So, did you read the latest from that Safeway bozo?"ScottRitchie

2006-03-11 01:43:34   I would like to point out that if the Aggie chose to endorse anyone in the city council election, it would probably be a violation of the ASUCD Constitution. If this is true, it would mean that the last bill that I wrote was unconstituional — oh well. Someone should propose that as an official question to that court. —BrentLaabs

Article I, Section 6
(2)     In accordance with Internal Revenue Service regulations, ASUCD is prohibited from
directly or indirectly participating or intervening in any political campaign on behalf
of, or in opposition to, any candidate for public office.  This includes endorsing a
candidate, making donations to a candidate’s campaign, engaging in fund-raising for a
candidate, distributing statements for or against a particular candidate or becoming
involved in any other activity that may be beneficial or detrimental to any candidate.

2006-03-11 18:45:09   Lamar's dad knocked on my door this afternoon and asked me to vote for his son. I was impressed. I will. —GrumpyoldGeek

2006-03-19 14:15:04   I think there's a quite a difference between a school newspaper with an independent editorial board and the body of government itself. Because ASUCD is the governing body, it makes sense that this mini "Congress" be prohibited from endorsing a candidate. A campus Slate, however, could probably endorse a candidate without running afoul of this IRS rule. I think it's official (quasi-)governmental endorsements that they're afraid of. So I don't think the parallel is tight enough to cause a problem. —JaimeRaba

2006-03-28 16:52:19   Well, looking at the media board guidelines, it looks like the Aggie can endorse. I'm going to stop worrying about this argument, because I really believe that the Aggie should be able to endorse anyone they want to. It's just a fact of the situation that ASUCD and the Aggie are in an abusive marriage, and neither seems to think about the other in its decisions. —BrentLaabs

2006-06-08 00:23:52   Does anyone else find it funny that Lamar and Stan Forbes teamed up for this election? Consider their slogans: "Preserve our quality of life." (Forbes) and "It's a Brand New Day" (Heystek). —BrentLaabs

2006-11-02 17:12:15   I voted for him, and he cusses in public in reference to Liston bringing his shotty onto DHS property —StevenDaubert

2007-01-28 18:35:17   You should check out the Albertsons page and then look at the picture of the luckys bag, then you should look at the upper right hand corner very close. —StevenDaubert

2007-08-03 10:39:02   Lamar!!! Ik ben nu op de Wiki!!!! :) —WeMo

2007-08-07 14:22:59   Lamar- what years were you an ASUCD Senator? And how many times do you lose before you won? And what was the name of the slate? —JamesSchwab

2008-02-20 20:20:28   I just started working at safeway. I would greatly appreciate it if you could give me some pros and cons of working there and of joining the union. Thank you! —JackkiCox

2012-06-09 12:22:38   What's Lamar up to these days? —KenjiYamada

2014-09-14 11:21:15   Where is he now? —SimonFung

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