The California Aggie's spoof edition for 2005 was entitled "Newsweak" featured a range of articles, including a headlining article about Davis Wiki. The spoof came out on June 8, 2005. The articles were:
- "Sorority girl discusses boyfriend during English class"
- "Davis Wiki launches coup, overthrows ASUCD: Computer nerds show surprising strength in violent assault"
- "Quad preacher converts entire campus"
- "Gunrock arrested for lewd and lascivious behavior: Exact number seduced by UCD mascot still unknown"
- "Increased losses cause rise in binge drinking among athletes: Mostly losers, some winners take part in the debauchery"
- "(Co-ops Bathe) The shower heard 'round the world: In a revolt against traditional hippie-hygiene, Co-ops residents abandon gardening tools and reach for loofahs"
- "Week dedicated to awareness weeks"
- "Places to go: Gorge yourself in Dixion"
- (Editorial) "Decision makes ordering food, writing editorials easier"
- "Big surprise: Aggie demoralizes KDVS in first annual sloshball game"
- "Lil' Jon to lecture about open containers at Mondavi Center: Rap star promises to get students crunk"
- "Resigning: The season's new black. (layercake: Sweeping new trend cuts to senate's inner core)"
- "Registrar adopts new notification system: carrier pigeons. (layercake: Students' only complaint: being shat on)"
- "Local boy pummeled in fire engine accident: Truck malfunction leads to tube sock misfire"
- "New on-campus Amish organization founded: Ritner gives more than good time back to community"
- "Pimp my bike"
- "Muse Magazine leaves The Aggie, wants to be more indie: Weekly insert's headquarters moves to trunk of Caskey's car"
Front Page Story
NEWSWEAK EXCLUSIVE: Davis Wiki launches coup, overthrows ASUCD layercake: Computer nerds show surprising strength in violent assult By Matt Jojola and Daniel Stone Editors in Briefs Daviswiki.org, a Davis information website, launched a military offensive at 3:27 Tuesday afternoon, storming the Memorial Union in an attempt to take control of the ASUCD Senate. The attach was led by Rev. ChadVanSchoelandt, a prominent Davis Wiki user, and his posse of Orwellian, fanny pack-wearing vigilantes. "We're just so sick of the association," VanSchoelandt said as he picked up a table from the ASUCD Coffee House he later threw at winter election running-mate KristenBirdsall. "With the elections over, we had nothing exciting to put on the Wiki, so we decided to cause our own controversy." After the walls of the MU were breached by Davis Wiki insurgents, Coho patrons were reported to have immediately evacuated the building in a scene reminiscent of the reaction to news that Prince William was single again. Senators holding office hours on the third floor during the raid raced to attempt to jam the elevator shafts. After Davis Wiki co-founder PhilipNeustrom broke the elevator's computer codes, the vigilantes crowded the elevators beyond occupancy limits and ravaged the third floor within minutes. ASUCD President CaliphAssagai said he was enjoying listening to Enya while painting a mural in his office when the Davis Wiki group enterred. "I was just relaxing and painting over [former ASUCD President] KalenGallagher's mustang when all these fanny packs were thrown at me," Assagai said from a make-shift war prison in the engineering department. "I didn't know what to do, so I just cowered in the corner, yelling for Darnell[Holloway] and Devin[Whitney]. But they didn't come. No one came. it was like I was running this school all by myself." Assagai expressed interest in continuing to speak with The California Aggie, but was dragged away by Davis Wiki co-founder MikeIvanov, a self-proclaimed warden of the prison. The 12 members of the senate could not be contacted after the assault, though are reported to be hiding in Sen. RobRoy's car, which he had previously claimed as the best housing in Davis. When the attempted coup ended, VanSchoelandt found the original copy of the ASUCD Consitution, which was ratified in 1996, in Business Manager MarkChampagne's desk. Witnesses told The Aggie that VanSchoelandt ripped the wordy 500-page document in half with one pull. The campus suffered a far-reaching power outage as the result of the offensive. UCD technicians blame a fuse blowout on hordes of Davis Wiki users who simultaneouly attempted to upload pictures and edit statistics on the page created for the event.
The Wiki Tank
Should Davis Wiki ever get an armored tank, where could we store such a vehicle so that those in ASUCD and The California Aggie wouldn't find out about it? Or more realistically, keep it out of ASUCD's reach, as they would undoubtedly retrofit it to launch tube socks.
- The Hunt Wesson Plant has a lot of open space behind a locked gate.
- Pro: Can store a whole division here.
- Con: Not a lot of buildings to provide cover — you'd need to bring your own camouflage.—And it no longer exists...
- The Unitrans garage can house some tanks
- Pro: Easy to get fuel for CNG tanks. Can mount turrets on El Fuego.
- Con: Unitrans is kinda an ASUCD unit, though they don't interact much. Theoretically someone could tip off Mark Champagne.
- Secret Base under Toomey Field
- Pro: Right next to MU; good attack vector (exits in North Entry Parking Structure)
- Con: Getting Clearance.
- Plenty of open space in Winters
- Pro: No one ever goes to Winters
- Con: No one ever goes to Winters
- In a hangar at University Airport
- Pro: Nice covered facility to upgrade armor
- Con: Tank doesn't actually fly
- Kalen Gallagher's old afro.
Comments on the Tank
2005-08-19 16:11:35 Sign me up as tank driver. —SimonFung
2005-08-19 16:55:41 Why not inside the fire station? —ScottRitchie
2005-08-19 20:15:00 Hell yes. Or perhaps out at the Equestrian Center... we could use it to deliver hay? —CindySperry
2005-08-20 04:15:32 Ballastic Hay Delivery... "Hay!" ker-fwump —TarZxf
2005-08-20 10:42:52 I want to try parallel-parking that thing downtown. —BlancheNonken
2005-08-20 11:08:37 nothing piques the appetite like a jolt of fear-laced adrenaline... really, it's better for the horses that way! I mean, we'd be conditioning them to believe that military equipment and flying flakes of hay go together... —CindySperry
2005-08-20 14:37:51 There is already lots of stuff besides airplanes out at the Airport, like the Antique Mechanics Club and there are other people who have antique cars in hangars too. —NickSchmalenberger
Comments on Newsweak
Such great advertisement for the wiki. -GeorgeLewis
This is best thing in the world. Anyone have a scanner? —PhilipNeustrom
Blatant ripoff of most recent spoof. — ArlenAbraham
I read it and noticed that it's kind of close to the truth. BTW, did you all notice how they attributed their quotes? — KenBloom
it would have been funnier if they attributed them: "Blah blah Davis Wiki blah." - ["PersonName"] - ArlenAbraham
I think it was good as-is. A stroke of subtle genius!
["Users/KenBloom"] says that if the ["Aggie"] had done an article with the ordinary ["journalistic writing style"], but pretended to ["link"] things using ["WikiCode"] it would have been best.
This is my new favorite page.