Yes, cigarette smoking will kill you eventually, but then again what won't. Despite that, there are numerous joys in being a smoker.

  • An excuse to leave any uncomfortable social situation, for those of us with agoraphobia.
  • Always a conversational opener among fellow smokers, for the shy.
  • Clears the mind when frustrated, for the inept artist.
  • Idle hand are the Devil's playthings, keeps the mischievous out of trouble.
  • Something to do during uncomfortable conversational pauses, for the socially inept.
  • Fire worship, for the pagans.
  • An excellent way to get rid of those pesky five dollar bills that keep ending up in your purse/wallet every morning.
  • A way to release those pesky oral fixations without being branded a slut.
  • Hitler fervently campaigned against smoking

I knew a professor who was an unabashed chain smoker. And when students asked him if he knew it was bad for him and if he knew it would kill him, his response was, "it would be a shame to die healthy, wouldn't it?"